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The “Single"-Mindedness of Moms

If I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: it ain’t easy being an involved dad in a mom world. Now, I’m not saying moms are slagging dads. Sure there are many that do, but not all. In fact I know many moms who support involved dads and would like to see a whole lot more of them. But there are also quite a few who would just like to forget that we exist, and therein lies the problem. It’s one thing to slag dads for not living up to mom standards; it’s another entirely to try to act like they don’t exist.

Is it a conspiracy: moms and marketing geniuses working together to change the world, and not necessarily for the better? No, it’s just single-mindedness. Many moms like to think they have the market cornered on parenting, and a lot of companies feed in to it because they think they can “milk it” for all it’s worth. Should I blame Amazon Moms, or “I’m a Kinder Mom” (Kinder Surprise), or “I’m a P & G Mom” (Procter and Gamble), or thousands of other companies for creating marketing programs for “parents” that seemingly exclude dads? Not at all; they’re just doing what they think will make them more money. And a certain segment of moms love it because it feeds in to their idea that moms are important and dads do nothing.  But is it smart? No.

Just the other day I was listening to a radio program that asked if PARENTS should have their own section on planes so their children won’t bother other passengers. I didn’t necessarily agree with it, but what I disagreed with even more were the responses from moms. “Yes, I think a sections for mommies would be great,” one said. “I think it would be great for moms not to have to sit next to a$$holes, “said another. “A mommy’s only section makes a lot of sense,” said a third. So you see the kind of damage that’s being done: moms are starting to think that fathers don’t exist, or at the very least are unimportant. What, a dad’s never taken his kids on a plane; a father’s never accompanied his wife and child on a flight; and, men don’t matter in this equation? Look, I’m not saying I wanted to be on a plane with any of these women- hell, it would be bad enough to run in to them in a large open space like a park- but really, “a mommy’s only section would be great???”

Ladies, get your heads out of your butts. Being pandered to by large corporations might be doing wonders for your egos but its brainwashing you in to thinking moms are all that matters in the parenting world, and that’s total BS, and many of you know it.  Yes, there are many hard-working single moms out there. Yes, there a many moms in committed relationships, married or otherwise, who might be pulling more than their fair share of weight when it comes to caring for their offspring. Yes, there are a lot of dads who are useless when it comes to caring for their kids and making household purchases…but there are a growing number who aren’t, and if you’re married to one of them, or you birthed one of them, or if you love one of them, for all that they do, for you and your kids, it’s time to stand up for them.

Moms you only do yourself a disservice when you allow corporations to portray dads as secondary, almost unnecessary caregivers to our children.
And you only set yourselves up for more and more work when dads can’t get a fair shake from the companies that your family supports with its hard-earned dollars. You don’t want to do all the shopping? Well, dad was willing, but few companies will let him join their “mommy rewards” club, so if your husband does the shopping YOUR family has to pay more. In essence, they’re costing your time and money. They’re not saving you anything. If anything, they’re making more work for you by excluding dad, and you’re accepting it instead of standing up and saying “This isn’t right. There are a lot of great dads out there, and they deserve to be treated equally- especially if you’re taking their money; my FAMILY’S money.“

It’s short-sightedness, plain and simple. Moms want better dads, but you don’t want to give up the preferential treatment reserved for moms to get it. But maybe it’s time that they did, and give dads the equal billing they deserve, especially when they deserve it. We don’t need “Mommy Rewards Programs,” we need Family Rewards Programs. And it’s time you start demanding it from the marketers who think you’re easily swayed in to doing the work of two people, simply because they stroke your egos and tell you you’re the sh** when it comes to parenting. Because all they’re doing is blowing smoke up your ass and getting the good dads angry while letting the bad ones off the hook.

And that doesn’t serve anyone.

But, maybe I'm just blowing smoke up my own ass thinking anyone wants this to change?


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Reader Comments (1)

My husband and I were discussing this type of mentality yesterday. We came across a parking spot reserved for 'Moms of Little Ones and Moms to Be' at a Home Depot which seemed rather inappropriate. Places like Wal-Mart or Superstore have signs for Parents of Little Ones and Expectant Mothers. The Home Depot sign irked my husband as it is implying that only mothers take their kids shopping. He is the working member of our relationship but also a very active part of the parenting dynamic. Dads definitely need to be seen as equals. It is the small things that will make a difference.

May 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJay

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