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I know I'm gonna take some flack over this one, but here goes....

Remember when you were first dating your wife? Those first few dates when all you could really focus on was what she looked like naked? You know what I'm talking about - those first few dates where she'd flash you some cleavage and about a half inch of her black lace, see-through bra and it drove you nuts with anticipation. She knew what you wanted to see, but she made you work for it: the date planning, the late-night calling, the wooing- it was all part of her master plan. She saw your eyes, even if you weren't even remotely looking at her own, and knew exactly the kind of man you were. There's no legs or thighs in your bucket of chicken- you're a breast man all the way. And there is nothing you enjoyed more than the 'big reveal' of seeing your wife's breasts for the first time... except for seeing your buddy's wife's breasts every time she whips them out to feed her baby!

We're men ladies. We're not mature adults. From the day you started dating our buddy we've been wondering what you've been hiding under your sweater. It's what we were designed to do. Funny thing is, you made him wait three weeks to catch a glimpse of your marvelous mounds of well-formed flesh. All I had to do was bring a gift to the hospital. It's shocking! "Here's your gift" BAM! peep show. And I'm talking full breast and 90 % areola (once you get a good angle around that bald baby's head). I don't even think you get to see that much exposed skin at some U.S. strip joints (not that I've ever been).

When do women make this 'switch?' One day you're making your future husband work for a mere glimpse of your mammary glands, then you have a kid and suddenly you're giving free admission to any guy in the food court at the local mall. Oh, you think no one's watching when you whip out that five pound jug of milk, or 'breast' if you prefer, and softly suction (or 'latch') your baby's mouth to it, but you're wrong- dead wrong. Not only is every guy in the room staring at you, but each is having one of only two possible reactions: he's either turned on by it or equally as turned off by it. There's no happy medium. One guy's watching you like he just unscrambled the playboy channel, while the next guy is watching you like you're some African Gorilla on the Nature Channel feeding your baby and flinging green sh@# at the camera. But they're watching. And you're poor husband, "the Protector" in nature, is watching them and their peering eyes, knowing that he got the raw end of the deal.

Hey. I'm not against breast feeding. To the contrary, I'm all for it. I like how it takes even the most modest of modern feminists and turns them into Zulu Warrior women from the pages of National Geographic. If you want to sit in a restaurant with a baby hanging from your breast, I've got no problem with it, as long as you're not my wife, and you don't mind the old-guy sitting next to me, and every other guy in the restaurant, leering at you. We can't help it! Your breasts were designed to feed babies. Our eyes were designed to find breasts that can feed babies. In our modern society, with our laws (both spoken and unspoken), the two kind of work against each other. But, you'll never hear me complaining about it.

Frankly, I'm upset that more women aren't able to breast feed, or for that matter don't want to. No, not so I can stare, but so my wife won't be the only one in the restaurant being leered at. And dude, don't tell me you're "just admiring what a cute baby I have;" I used that on some other dude's wife last week. You're admiring the gi-normousness (not a word) of my wife's breasts, and all I can say is, thank god they won't be recognizable to me, or you, in a year from now. It was just a dream. A large, double-breasted, milk filled dream that had to end (until the birth of my next child at least).

Anyway, whichever way you 'look' at it, breast feeding is a wonderful thing. Every woman should look into giving it a try. Both the Breast Feeding Committee of Canada, The Infant Feeding Action Coalition, and myself (possibly for different reasons though) agree - breast feeding is the way to go. Take my word for it - it's fun for the whole family.

Disclaimer: Although I have made light of the topic above, breast feeding is a serious topic parents need to discuss before the birth of a child. Consult your doctor for more information or check out these links and decide if breast feeding appeals to you... as a couple:


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Reader Comments (29)

You are a knob head. You want more women to breastfeed, yet you spout shit like this, so any woman who reads it thinks 'well I don't want to breastfeed now.' Even though what you write is bullshit. I have breastfed my three children in lots of places and haven't had men leering at me. And my husband couldn't give a toss. Because no one leers. And even if they did there is nothing to leer at, because I have my shirt covering my breast. Breastfeeding in public is a necessary part of bringing up a baby and women have to be supported, not made to feel like strippers.

August 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

True. I am a Knob Head. But the intention wasn't to scare women off of breastfeeding, quite the contrary. It was actually meant to grab a first-time father's attention and keep it long enough to get them to the bottom of the page to read the disclaimer (the one that says this is a serious issue to be discussed with your spouse and your doctor). And, it works. So far, this has been our most popular post. Sure, I took one from the pages of P.T. Barnum, drawing people in with a teaser (ie breasts) but it brought attention to a very serious issue if one can hold back their outrage long enough to get there. As I said, we're men ladies, we need our information spoon fed to us in a more palatable way. Entertain first, then educate. That's our motto. We try our best not to alienate anyone, or make them feel like strippers, but it happens from time to time. Maybe in your hometown the men are genteel enough to mind their manners. Where I come from, not so much. Thanks for your comments.- F4F

August 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAdam Dolgin

I actually laughed. I guess I understood your humor.

September 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRoselvr

I breastfed 3 kids and I liked you post!

September 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I laughed and understood your message, too! I breastfed for 2.5 years and informing families about bfing is part of my business. Although many bfing mothers are proud of breastfeeding, you share a similar concern my husband shared with me about nursing without a cover. Sure we want a pro-bfing world, but we're really not ready for it. Leering is completely subjective, and perhaps "staring out of curiosity" is what's happening. Who cares! Go with your comfort level and what works for you and your family, that's what matters the most. Thanks for sharing! I'm enjoying your posts.

September 12, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAbigail

Thanks for the back up! We encourage breast feeding, we just have a different way of exposing new parents to it.

September 12, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFodder 4 Fathers

personally..i think we have so many things right now to get our knickers in a twist about....I love the humor and, no, it is so not PC...but what is? thank you for the post...from a former breatfeeding mom who had no idea what to do with her sudden boobie addition.

September 12, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

had to add a bit....thing is, when I was young and nickname was "the breastless wonder". I think every guy I dated went searching for the elusive boobies. Alas...nuttin. Then I met and married a man who just happened to like booties instead of boobies. Well, I have always had a substantial bootie. A match made in heaven...that is until this one day when I was standing before him, buck naked, following the birth of our first child (who screamed 24/7 and no boob could make him happy) but there I was...all my husband had to do was look at the boobies and down came the milk as though someone had set off a sprinkler system in the World Trade Center. Neither of us knew what to do. We were prepped for the new addition of the baby but not for the "twins". I have yet to read in any book about what i experienced as a breastfeeding mom. So off I go now to write it. thank you for this boobie post.

September 12, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Thanks for posting that! I'm sure a lot of new moms will relate... and dads too. Good luck with the book and let us know when it's done. I'd be happy to link it to this post which I have a feeling will live on in the world wide web for years to come.

September 12, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFodder 4 Fathers

awesome! Absolutely awesome! i have three kids, alas for health reasons couldn't successfully breastfeed though tried! We need to address breastfeeding like this, with an equal measure of humour and seriousness. There are nazi's on both the pro- and anti- feeding in public side, some who think women must must must feed at all costs, some who think all women need to wear a burqa! So bloody good work there I say! Keep it up, and keep blokes informed but with a smile on their dials too!

September 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Found this interesting article to add to theconversation...

Read the bottom paragraph as it pertains to the importance of Dads when it comes to breastfeeding.

September 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFodder 4 Fathers

Rotflmao. Love your post. I breast fed my kids and back then (I'm 43 now), it was seriously frowned upon to do so without a cover. It never bothered me one way or the other. But, yep, the stares will happen with or without the cover. Human males are hardwired that way.
My first husband was ashamed if I breastfed in public WITH a cover. The second one didn't care. However, if I did have to feed our youngest (my 4th and last child was hubby #2's) in public, he always sat right beside me in this protective sort of posture. He also loved to watch me feed her and was very disappointed when an illness required me to stop bf completely. A lot of the views on BF tend to be driven by cultural and social beliefs/practices. I encourage any first time parents to be to explore the option of BF with each other, their doctor and a knowledgeable Lactation specialist. The health benefits to your baby are priceless and well worth researching.
Meantime, go Dude! Keep up the good work! First time dads need to be reminded that, yep, it's some scary shit, but hey, there are others out there who can give them some pointers.

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertashien

Love it. I'm currently NAK (nursing at the keyboard) and the poor kid is getting a milk shake from the laughter. I have had more issues with this one than his 3 siblings, but we're trucking through 8.5 months now. WooHoo B@@BS!
I don't use a cover, much to my husband's sometimes dismay. But after being a walking milk factory for the last 7 years with little off time my give a damn drained out as well along the way. Also, they don't leave the cover over their heads anyway, so why fight them? Some women have great success with covers and good on them. I don't, so I don't use 'em.
I don't get anything from people looking, but I honestly don't care either. However, if it opens up dialog that I can educate some one about how amazing boobs are I take the opportunity.

March 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterWhiteLightHealer

Great post! I bf'd both of my kids in public. Being well-endowed in the first place proved to work against when I attempted to cover up. I'm sure I provided a peep show on more than one occasion. Ever try juggling a 10 lb baby and a 30 lb breast on public transportation?

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBuddhagan

The facts are all true, especially with the men (hehehe). Anyway, if the women get scared of breast feeding because of by mere flashing their boobies on public I think there covers that can be used when breast feeding their babies on public. Also there are some places that have breast feeding area.

Breast milk are really the best milk for babies so women should not deprived their babies of that milk.

By the way nice post! Light and witty but very much informative.

Funny post! Thanks for drawing attention to such an important subject. I nursed my youngest son for 2 years (stopped when I became pregnant again) and I'm now nursing my 4 mo. old daughter, who I plan to nurse for 2 years or longer. Breastfeeding increased my size from a C cup to a DD, so you can say my breasts definitely draw attention by themselves. I use cloth diapers as burp cloths and to cover the top portion of my breast while nursing. I just drape it over the top of the breast and aureola without covering my baby's face. I do this so casually it just seems like the baby is sleeping and a lot of men don't even notice I'm nursing. If some do and get a kick out of or are offended by it, that is their deal! I personally don't think there should be a "need" for women to have to cover themselves when nursing in public. Nobody should feel uncomfortable at such a natural sight. Nevertheless, I still cover myself for my husband's sake! He definitely doesn't like the world to see my boobies.

March 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I am not a parent, but I am a new aunt (my brother is the Daddy) and I have loved reading your posts. What an amazing and honest perspective you share and I love that it is real life, nitty gritty, down and dirty stuff. This is a great posts for those guys who aren't sure what to think, what to say or are too scared to even broach the subject. Thanks you for such an enjoyable read today amidst the media stories of today.

October 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

Omg, are you kidding me you are far from a "knobhead". This was a great post and even if us woman don't realize that some people probably are leering, where to damn busy feeding and admiring our baby. I reallycould give to s**ts if ssomeone was simply because my "jugs" haha at that time I thought of only as a food source for my child. Not only did I not hide what I was doing but I could have cared less if someone felt the need to look my way or have something to say about it. Breastfeeding is beautiful. I didn't do it with my first three, only my last two, and I wish I had with them all. This is a great read :)

January 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterChrissy

Omg, are you kidding me you are far from a "knobhead". This was a great post and even if us woman don't realize that some people probably are leering, where to damn busy feeding and admiring our baby. I reallycould give to s**ts if ssomeone was simply because my "jugs" haha at that time I thought of only as a food source for my child. Not only did I not hide what I was doing but I could have cared less if someone felt the need to look my way or have something to say about it. Breastfeeding is beautiful. I didn't do it with my first three, only my last two, and I wish I had with them all. This is a great read :)

January 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterChrissy

I've bf 4 kiddos with varying degrees of success. With one I had so much milk when I went to bf him in public the first time milk shot from my boob and almost hit someone. (I learned a few things with that one.) With others I had to supplement formula. That broke my heart. Hubby (once he learned more about it) and I both are huge believers in breast is best.

January 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTee

While I admire the fact you are trying to get couples involved in the breast feeding conversation I worry that a dad ( who should be moms biggest support for nursing) will discourage his wife from breastfeeding in public because he is uncomfortable with the thought of another guy seeing his wife's jugs. A new mom should not be made to feel like she has to hide to feed her child because her husband is uncomfortable. This post just reinforces a new dad's concern :( As a strong willed mama I would nurse in front of a footballbteam and construction crew if needed but not every mom could and she may need the support of her man to back her up!

January 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEmily

Emily, I think you missed the point.... this post went over the top to get the attention of men so they would read the links at the bottom and discuss their concerns with their wives. And let's be honest, if a guy's going to be so macho that he can't deal with his wife breastfeeding his child in public, covered under a blanket, there's nothing I'm going to do to change his mind.

January 12, 2013 | Registered CommenterFodder4Fathers.Com

I know this might sound weird to you but I actually wish all men viewed breastfeeding and breasts as a national geographic thing. I like bras and all keeping our boobs tight and not too floppy as a comfort thing, but I always thought breassts were designed for breastfeeding and we are the ones who've sexualized them by wearing bras pushing them up just right commercializing them as sexy/attractive. I just kinda thought as a woman if we never did those things like for example print posters of our pushed up dramatized boobs to sell beer, guys would just see a woman's boobs as a national geographic thing...floppy and big deal. Except of coursewwhen he wants to put his hands everywhere and have sex with you. ..But even if I'm right, it'd take a whole lot of reconditioningfor any guy or gal to see it that nbd. Well you can tell I'm a woman I'm pretty sure even if you disagree. I breastfed my last 2 daughters for 13 and 15 months each and my boobs weren't ginormous b to c range but there were times my babes wanted to be hooked up all the time and no matter what anyone says could u imagine being at a grocery checkout line talking and paying while your babe is on your wife's boob so your little one will stop wailing and the checker guy keeping it comfortable without being embarrassed. That happened to me once. I had a sling but I couldn't hide the top part of my boob in that pinch and of a situation...That's why it'd be great to me if the world women included didn't market boobs like they're sexy...It would just be easier. I liked the whole teasing / having my husband wait driving himself crazy wanting to see but that's only because it s part of the Matrix's plan to distract us all, myself included.

April 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCindy

LOVE IT! I am a huge advocate of breastfeeding and thought this was great, glad to have a guy voice his support and admitted awkwardness about it. I nursed all 4 of my kids and managed to, without ever wanting to, nurse everywhere... even at the Shamu show. Fact is babies needs will always trump guy who happens to be in the location as said baby who needs.
Awesome Honesty!
Carrie @ Just Mildly Medicated

April 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCarrie

Thank you so much for another hilarious post! I bf'd all 3 back in the dark ages and used a cover except in the privacy of my home. I'm sure the reason we don't much give a darn if someone sneeks a peek starts in the doctor's office. For years my doctor used to crack wise that my boobies were so small that he could do a breast check (for lumps) with one hand! I was a skinny, flat-chested lady until after my first, then poof!!! magic boobies. They started up near my chin and wound up under my armpits. I've never seen anything (natural) that big and neither had my hubby who couldn't take his eyes off them! Gradually they went back to normal :( until after numbers 2 & 3 when poof magic boobies appeared again! Then they disappeared for years after I stopped bf. :( I used to miss them until they grew back when I rediscovered my liking for deserts and chocolate. Only problem is, I've got an ass & waist to match, therefore the demarkation between what's boobies and what's not is pretty hard to tell.

From a health standpoint I too heartily recommend bfing if possible. Better for baby and certainly better for mom ( and dad gets to enjoy the side benefits too).

Oh, and after giving birth in a teaching hospital with various and sundry strangers sneaking a peek at your hoo-haa and you have to just lie there and pretend like you invited them, it's no big deal to flash the odd stranger in a mall. Thanks for asking. Keep up the great work & hugs to your family.

May 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMature Canadian

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