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Tuesday
Dec202011

FODDER OF THE WEEK: YOU LOST ME AT "HELLO" - PARENTING PAGES DAUNTING DADS - WHY TOO MANY BIRTHING IMAGES IS NOT A GOOD THING

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If I've learned anything from my short tenure as a dad blogger, it is one thing- most dads are squeamish; no, not necessarily at the sight of our own blood, or the sight of one man taking out an entire army with an AK47 (see Rambo), but mostly when it comes to witnessing the birth of a child. And maybe squeamish isn't the right word? Maybe what we really don't want to see is the sight of a woman's vagina (well, mostly our wives') being stretched beyond its limits. And, even if we're cool with it in a delivery room as a means to an end (the end being the birth of a healthy child, our own), we don't really want to see someone else's wife doing it- well, ever. But every day, more and more, I'm seeing the "money shot" on Facebook parenting pages claiming to be "dad" friendly. So I have to ask: do you know us at all?

Now, before you go getting all up in arms over what I'm saying, let's look at this logically for a moment. There's nothing wrong with a Facebook page talking about birth and showing pictures or videos. There's nothing wrong with showing natural childbirth. In fact, I support many parenting pages whose sole mission is to show these types of images in a positive way. I see nothing wrong with having 5, 10, even a 100 Facebook pages devoted the joys of childbirth, as there certainly is much to be learned from listening to the stories of others and watching an instructional video or two. But, what if you've already witnessed the beauty of birth, and well, you'd prefer not to be reminded of it until the "entrance" of your next child. What if you just want to forget what you saw, move on, and start talking about the hard part for YOU- the raising of the child?

See, this is my issue: no matter what women think, men do not think pregnancy is pretty--- except maybe the fetishists. So I'm trying to come to grips with why parenting pages trying to attract involved dads wouldn't be sensitive to this? I mean, it's no so hard to do your market research; just show up on the first day of a prenatal class and hold up a photo of a woman crowning and start taking notes...

"Okay, we got diverted eyes, some nervous laughter, 15 gasps, one guy blurted out "hello" and fainted, and the rest just started to dry heave... Nope. I guess guys really aren't interested in birthing shots...."

When it comes to witnessing a "Crowning," this is the one most men prefer (Miss U.S.A, 2010)


Okay. Once a week, maybe once a month is okay, but some parenting pages show these images once a day. I get it; many women like to be reminded of the miracle of their child's birth. Well, on the flip side of that, many men don't want to be reminded of how much it took just to keep their lunch down. So I applaud you, please, all the parenting pages, those run by women, those run by men, those run by doula's, and midwives and moms who just like a good birthing video, if we're going to get more dads involved, less is more. Let's move past the whole idea that birth is a beautiful thing and focus on where we're going, not where we've been. Show more breastfeeding images. Cut up circumcision. Let's talk sleeping arrangements, and schedules and milestones, and give the birthing videos a break, shall we?

I'm not saying it's mature. I'm not saying it's something every guy doesn't need to see at least once in his lifetime. But once he's been there- cutting the cord, watching the afterbirth get expelled, and seeing his wife get stitched up like a football- most guys don't want to go back and visit... or maybe it's just me? Either way, it never hurts to see it from a man's point of view- the one where he asks to be over the shoulder and unable to see anything.

So if you're a parenting page that wants to attract more guys, take my advice: guys will watch a lot of movies over and over again, but given our choice of home movies, we'd sooner watch our wedding videos than see the birth of our child- again, and again, and again. And we're certainly not down with watching the birthing videos of strangers. So please, have a heart. We want to learn as much as we can about parenting too, but anything from the waist up would be a nice change. I mean, if you've seen one birth, you've.... well, you know what I mean.

Let's work together to get more dads involved.

- Fodder 4 Fathers 

 

 

 It's Not 4 Everyone...


Related links (Some great birth pages we highly recommend... for those interested):

 

https://www.facebook.com/InSearchofthePerfectBirth?ref=ts
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Warm-Hands-Birth-Services/110764312344872?ref=ts
https://www.facebook.com/ChooseYourBirth?ref=ts
https://www.facebook.com/nonjudgementalmamas?ref=ts

Disclaimer: This post has been for entertainment purpose only. Fodder 4 Fathers wishes to thank all the Facebook Birthing Pages for doing some amazing work to bring the many birthing options available to new parents to light... even if guys may not want to see them.

 

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Reader Comments (3)

What about your experience contributed to your desire not to see it again until your next kid is born?

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJoe Valley

Welcome Joe... Psych-analyze much (I jest). In answer to your question, I didn't watch it the first time. I watched many videos beforehand (television, pre-natal classes), and just made a realization about myself... I'm about the final result, not the process. It's a personal preference, one shared by many men and women. More power to you for finding the birthing process fascinating... myself, I find watching my daughter change almost daily to be much more wonderous. Thanks again for your question. - Adam

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFodder 4 Fathers

Hi. I'm a woman and I hate all the money shots. Got offered a mirror at the birth of both my kids my answer was the same to both.....no way! I love my children. I love that they are in the world I just don't love the way they got here. And more power to the people that like looking at that type of stuff just don't try showing it to me.

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda Archbold

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