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Friday
Nov042011

FODDER OF THE WEEK: INVOLVED DADS DON'T GROW ON TREES (BUT THEY DON'T THRIVE ON CRITICISM EITHER) - WHY MOM'S SHOULD LEARN TO PUT UP OR SHUT UP

For anyone who has followed my work (the work of being an involved dad that is) you know I don't take kindly to moms taking liberties and slamming their husbands for poor parenting (a.k.a. not doing their fair share when it comes to household chores and taking care of the kids). It's just counter-productive. I spend my days trying to build up new dads, helping them rise to the occasion, but it's an impossible task when their wives just keep bitching and keeping them down. Now I'm not saying there aren't some useless dads out there- there are more than I would like to admit- but criticizing the good ones (like me) is just asinine because all it does is strengthen their resolve to piss you off.

RANT ALERT: IN 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.... (Press Play on Video)

So when I read blog posts like this one from Kate Buckworth ("Why Dad Doesn't Help Out? Cleaning, Diaper-Changing, and Other Chores Dads Avoid," - www.canadianliving.com) I just don't get what she was hoping to accomplish by belittling her husband (in cyberspace of all places). She thought she was being funny, but the funny thing is the only person who ended up looking stupid was her. After all, she married the guy. All I got from her article was" bitchy, critical, self-righteous, nagging wife equals husband who just doesn't give a sh@#." So to all the mom's who think it's okay to poke "fun" at dads for not pulling our weight when it comes to our "fatherly duties," I'd like to let you in on a little secret: Dad's not the enemy, you are- as in your own worst one. In fact, if you think about it, women blame men (specifically their husbands) for issues they created themselves, and I can prove it.

Why Mom's Are their Own Worst Enemies:

1) YOU JUST DON'T READ THE SIGNS:
As I said before, you want to rail on your husband for being a useless dad, but you married him. What, you didn't see the signs? You married a slob who can't cook, won't clean, and won't get his ass off the couch unless it's to pay for a pizza delivery. He was lazy before you married him, but now that you have kids you thought he was going to be Superdad? You think he's selfish and uncaring and uncompromising and yet you let him inject you with his DNA, thinking what? That you could change him? This is probably the same guy who told you he didn't want kids, and now that you coerced him in to having them you thought he'd just fall in line and follow your lead? We reap what we sow ladies. Your first mistake was marrying bad dad material. Your second mistake was thinking you could change him.

2) YOU CRITICIZE WHEN YOU SHOULD ENCOURAGE:
Many times I've over heard women "joking" with their friends about how they had to "train" their husbands. 1) Men don't take kindly to this. 2) Men can't be trained. As Rocky said: "We do because we want to do" (Rocky III). Every time we hear you belittle us, or call us your "subordinates" it only strengthens our resolve to annoy you. It's not that we can't do everything that you can do, but since we have to listen to you talk all day about the things that you do that we don't we just let you do it. You criticize, we work against you. You empathize and we give you what you want - our cooperation. And yes, some men are better equipped to be exceptional dads, and you're probably pissed off that you're not married to one of them, but you work with what you have by building him up, not breaking him down. If I'm a great dad it's only because my wife allows me to be by letting me do things my own way, knowing that if she doesn't I'm just going to rebel and let her do it all herself.

3) YOU CREATE GROUPS TO CRITICIZE US:
I have had the pleasure to be affiliated with several mom fan pages on Facebook, all of which welcome me and my male opinions with open arms. But, I have also visited hundreds of other mom dominated fan pages that do nothing but rail on their significant others. And the few times I have tried to comment on THESE pages I have been attacked, or ignored or banned just for the simple fact that I have a penis.  I just want to talk about parenting. They just want to talk about how crappy their husbands are and how women are the better parents. Well the first half of that is a self-fulfilling prophecy- if you think you have a sh!tty husband, you will have a sh!tty husband. And the second part of that is just a mirage... if you never get out there and visit any of the dad fanpages you have no idea what some dads are capable of. So it's a choice - you can either start exclusive mom groups and gang up on your husbands, or broaden your horizons and join some dad pages (which are almost never exclusionary) to help you get your husbands the information the need to be better dads.

4) YOU ALLOW PARENTING MAGAZINES TO MARGINALIZE US:
I've said it before, and I'll say it again, but the word "Parent" in any print or online magazine might as well just read "Mom" because, unless I'm mistaken, there isn't a single thing in any of these magazines that speak to a man. Sure, they "try" to include us with the odd article written by a dad or a blog about the new dad's birthing experience, but they still read like they were written by a mom, because they were edited by one. The advertising is for women. The articles are for women. And the format is meant to appeal to a woman. Now, what do you think that says to new dads? It says: "You're an after thought. Your wife does all the work and buys all the goods. You're not important, so go back to looking at online porn." And when we do exactly that, you get upset. So maybe it's in your best interests to stick up for OUR right to be included and demand for equality in "parenting" publications - - it only helps YOUR cause.

5) YOU CREATE LISTS THAT CASTRATE US:
Look, I don't mind if Babble.com creates a list to celebrate the top 50 mom bloggers, I'm sure most of the women on that list deserve to be there. What does bother me is the token list created to shut up the dad bloggers; a list that was assuredly created by a woman that didn't have the first clue where to look for quality dad content on the net (links to related articles). There were guys with huge followings who deserved to be on that list who were unseated by guys with less than 47 fans on Facebook. And if that's wasn't the biggest insult, all the men who were chosen got the nod because they were "one of the moms." How's that for good journalism? Do you think THAT helps your cause? It's insulting, and it doesn't help these dad blogs grow a male audience, which is what society needs to improve the parenting skills of dads.

Look don't hate the player, hate the game. I'm just a third stringer, warming the bench until it's my time to play. But given the chance, I'll show you what a new dad can do when his wife cheers him on(i.e. I'm a new dad blogger working hard to change the plight of new dads with my wife's full support). It may be Mom's court today, but Dads (worldwide) are practicing their parenting skills... and we're ready for our chance to shine.

As the old saying goes, when it comes to parenting, "Leave no man behind" It benefits us all. - Fodder 4 Fathers

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Reader Comments (2)

love it!

November 4, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertoni

I agree 100%. I created a new blog because I too was tired of hearing why as men/dads we can not do anything correct. I wish that women would realize that that they are treating their kids dads as the low of the low and how healthy is that? Anyway power to dads who are doing wonderful things but all we hear about are the dead beat ones.
-Tommy

November 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTommy

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