SEARCH THIS SITE
TRANSLATOR
F4F BLOG POSTS INDEX
Absentee Fathers activities Adopt-a-School Campaign attachment issues attachment issues babies babies baby blues Baby care baby clothing Baby firsts baby food baby girls Baby health Baby names baby products baby products baby proofing Baby registry Baby Shoes Baby’s first steps Bad Dads Bad Dads Bathing beach Being a Role Model Birth birthday party ideas books bottle feeding Breastfeeding Breastfeeding in public breastfeeding support Bullying buying gifts for moms Car Safety Caregivers charity child abuse child birth child care child development Child Protection Laws child rearing Child Safety childcare expenses Childhood Children Children's Entertainment Chuck the Chunk circumcision colds Commentary Commentary competitive mothers competitive parents crafts crawling Dad Dad Blogs dads dads dads and babies dads and babies dads and babies dads and birth dads and daughters dads and daughters dads in the delivery room dads to be daughters delivery and labor developmental milestones diapers diapers discipline Disney Disney Junior Divorce domestic duties Double Strollers Doulas equal parenting equal prenting Expectant fathers expecting a second child Family Car Family Fire Safety Family Get Togethers family reunion Father and Son Father of the week father pregnancy Father Studies Father’s Day Father’s Day Gifts fatherhood Fatherhood involvement Fatherhood involvement fatherhood studies Fatherhood Websites fathers Fathers and sons Father's Day Father's Day fathers to be Fears and Phobias feeding feeding an infant Feminists First steps first words Firsts first-time fatherhood first-time fatherhood first-time fathers Gender stereotypes gifts for dads gifts for new moms granddads grandma Grocery shopping Halloween Heatstroke help for fathers Hiring a Nappy Imaginary friends Imagination Movers Infant car seats infants infants Internet Censorship Interview Introducing solids introducing solids Involved Fatherhood KIPP labor and delivery language laundry Life and Death Loss of a child Love Lullabies marital relations marriage marriage advice Massago Massago app maternity clothing Maternity Leave Meal Planning memories men’s health men’s health Men's Grooming Men's Health Miscarriage Modern Dads Modern Family Mom Mommyitis moms Moms mother Mother’s day Mother’s day gift ideas Mother’s Day gifts music for baby new baby new dad New Dad D.I.Y New Dad D.I.Y New Dad D.I.Y. New Dad D.I.Y. new dads new dads new father new father to be new fathers new mothers new parents newborn babies Newborns parenthood parenting parenting parenting 101 parenting 101 parenting advice Parenting Blogs parenting differences parenting differences parenting father parenting for fathers parenting tips parents parents pets planned parenthood Play places post-natal sex Postpartum depression Potty Training pparenting for fathers Pregnancy pregnancy and birth pregnancy for dads prenatal classes Pre-natal classes preschools pros and cons; ritual circumcision protecting your kids push gifts raising a child raising a child Registered Massage Therapists relationships Reviews RMT rraising a child sahms School School Programs Schoola Sex after pregnancy Sexuality shopping with a baby Siblings sick baby Single Dads Sleep Training Sleep Trasitioning Social Media Sonogram sons spanking special needs children Special Occasions Special Occassions Stay-at-home-dads Step Dads styles of parenting SUVs taking kids to the park Teenagers Teething Relief Terrible Twos Testing Time-outs toddlers toddlers and language Top Tens Toronto Toys Tweens Uber Unsolicited advice vaginal birth Valentine’s Day Vasectomy w Websites for dads working dads Working moms
F4F MEMBERS ONLY
« FODDER OF THE WEEK: DIE HARD DAD- WHAT MAKES ME THAT "GUY?"- THE MAKING OF FODDER 4 FATHERS | Main | FODDER UP! PART XVII: TAKING CARE OF DAD, PART THREE- HANDLING THE STRESS OF FATHERHOOD - THE WORK/HOME LIFE DILEMMA »
Monday
Nov282011

THE SOUNDTRACK OF DAD: A LOOK AT FIRST-TIME FATHERHOOD THROUGH SONG- SIDE ONE - CONCEPTION TO BIRTH

 

,
I'm not a crier. Never have been. Probably never will be. It's just not in my nature. Sure, I tear up little at the end of Rocky II but that's about as far as it goes. What can I say, I was raised in a household of boys? The youngest, I was shown at an early age that any emotional vulnerability on my part would be exploited relentlessly and used against me repeatedly at a later date. So it's just not something I do; not because I think men shouldn't cry- all the power to those who can- but it's just not in my repertoire of emotions. So you can probably understand the flack I get every time my wife goes through piles of old baby clothes and I don't join her in some nostalgic waterworks. It's just not in me. She folds some stained bibs and the tears start to flow. I fold an old ripped onsie and I wonder why the hell we're not throwing it out?

Don't get me wrong, I can be nostalgic, but I'm just not going to shed a tear over some clothing my daughter has outgrown. I didn't cry at the birth of my daughter. I didn't cry at her first birthday. I didn't even cry when I got the bill for her first month of daycare (but I wanted to). So there is no way you'll ever see me crying over a pile of clothing my daughter has outgrown.  But I do love my little girl, and even though I'm a heartless bastard with a clogged tear ducts, there are times in her life that I wanted to cry. So I've come up with a compromise...

 No, I'm not going to start my own baby journal, but I am going to recount the emotional moments I have encountered as a new dad; whether they made me cry or not. And I'm going to do it in song.

 


Here we go. This is The Sound Track of First-time Fatherhood: Side One- Conception to Birth- all those moments where I should have cried, but just couldn't being myself to do so.

SIDE ONE:

1. Conception-
Let's Get It On (Marvin Gaye, 1973)
You want to talk pressure, the kind that would bring any man to tears? Let's talk about the pressure to perform once you've decided that it's time to have a baby. You're standing there all naked and vulnerable watching your wife take her basal temperature with her legs in the air like a Thanksgiving Turkey screaming at you to "DO IT! DO IT NOW!" And you can't help but break down screaming "I'M NOT A MACHINE! I'M A MAN!" And she yells at you until the only thing that gets up is your self-esteem as it walks out the door. That would make most men cry. (Not I. I do as I'm told).

2. Early Pregnancy-
Let It Grow (Eric Clapton, 1974) 
You want to cry? How about coming home from a long day of work to a woman who has been doing nothing but puking for the last hour, who can't stand the sight of you, going "YOU! YOU DID THIS TO ME! I HATE YOU," before slamming the door in your face, only to open it again to hand you the list of all the things she wants you to get her from the store, screaming: "AND DON'T COME BACK UNLESS YOU GET IT ALL! " Scary... but not enough to make me cry.

 
3. The Sonogram-
You Can't Always Get What You Want (The Rolling Stones, 1968)
This one almost brought me to tears, but I wasn't alone. It appears the only one more distraught over the fact that we weren't going to be having a son on our first go around than me... was my wife. "Check it again," she growled as she took the technicians hand and ran it across her belly. "I can't have a girl. Girls hate their mothers!!!!" In hindsight, I wouldn't have it any other way. But all new dads mistakenly want sons; going as far as paying for the 3D sonogram to be 100% sure before they go in to a deep depression... until they hold that little girl for the first time that is.

3. Later Pregnancy-
The Bitch is Back (Elton John, 1974)
Thankfully, at this point, all of the morning sickness is gone but your wife's hatred for you, the one who planted the demon seed inside of her- the one that won't let her sleep comfortably- is only growing stronger. During this period you'll be kissing a lot of ass, rubbing a lot of feet and stroking a lot of ego ("No honey, you still fit in to that dress...kinda"). But it won't work. She's on to you, and she's going make you feel her pain, even if she has to kick you every time the baby kicks her in her sleep. My advice: sob silently to yourself my friend, unless you want to fuel her fire.

4. Labour-
The Waiting (Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, 1981)
What's worse than an angry pregnant woman? Answer: An angry pregnant woman whose due date has been pushed back a few weeks. Or, in my case, an angry pregnant woman who made herself an appointment for an epidural, who was then given the run around because the hospital had no available beds, causing her to go in to actual labor, only to still be put off for 8 hours because the hospital had no available beds. Guess who got to sit next to her the whole time?

5. Birth-
Everything is Coming Our Way (Santana, 1971)
All right. For most, this one is a no-brainer. Hearing my little girl cry for the first time certainly was, and is a highlight in my life, but I still couldn't do it. No tears... except for the two minutes where my wife was crushing my hand during the delivery. I told her they were for the baby, of course. 

 


6. Holding My Daughter- First time-
In My Life (The Beatles, 1965)
If there was ever a moment where I REALLY should have cried, may be THIS was it? Holding your child in your arms for the first time is a momentous occasion, and a healthy child should not be taken for granted. But who can cry when you're having too much fun trying to figure out who the hell the kid looks like. "Gollum? No. Wait. Your Aunt Enid- the one with more hair on her face than her head."

I know I SHOULD have cried here. I mean, after all, how many times do you fall in love with someone at first glance (especially a girl with a pointy-head, bluish skin, and covered in goo)? But I was too busy trying to be her protector to cry... Just ask the woman who asked if it would be okay to introduce our two newborns in the hallway:

 "Look, Lady, I know he's only ten minutes old, but I don't appreciate your son ogling my daughter like that. You really should teach him that it's polite to look in a girl's eyes. And, no, the fact that he can't focus is NOT an excuse."

I told her. But, sadly, I never cried.

END SIDE ONE

Stay tuned until tomorrow when we explore the other emotional side of first-time fatherhood in song (SIDE 2: Birth to 2 Years) . You'll laugh. You'll cry. It will become a part of you... unless you're a heartless bastard like me.

 

 

PrintView Printer Friendly Version

Reader Comments (1)

I often feel bad for me who are dubbed "emotionless." Not fair! Every human across every continent has emotions. We just express them differently. All that aside, your post made me laugh so no tears here either!

November 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKeyuri Joshi

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.

My response is on my own website »
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Post:
 
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>