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ASK THE WIFE - A DIFFERENT KIND OF ADVICE COLUMN 4 MOMS

By Jessica DolginYou've heard of Dear Abbey- well this ain't her. This is Ask The Wife, a fresh approach to answering those questions every mom has but is too afraid to ask. From "will my husband ever pick up his own underwear?" to "how do I tell my MIL to step the hell off?" Ask the Wife has an answer for you.

DISCLAIMER: Ask The Wife is for entertainment purposes only. It is merely the opinion of one mother and does not constitute expert advice in any way. If you find yourself in need of a professional opinion from a legal, medical or a mental health professional please consult with your lawyer, doctor or your child's pediatrician respectively. Fodder 4 Fathers willl not be held liable in any way for the misuse of the information provided. Note: If you are asking a question, please review the fodder4fathers.com submission guidlines and our terms of use section, All questions are posted anonymously.



Entries in Relationships (4)

Wednesday
Aug142013

YOU POKED THE (MAMMA) BEAR

O.k. people, we need to talk! Now, if you know me (and I understand that most of you don’t), you know that it is VERY rare that I ever feel the need to come to my husband's defense. Whenever I see the battles that take place on his page, and I read the rather colorful comments from some really “passionate” readers, I often laugh cause as everyone knows, and as I say to him myself, If you’re going to make your controversial bed, then you’re going to have to lay in it with a bunch of angry women. So I don’t often feel bad for him when he gets attacked. Besides, you ladies have NOTHING on me and my wrath when I get pissed off, and at the moment, I’m pretty pissed off. Not at my husband however, but at some (and before you take this as an attack on everyone, please note that I said SOME) people who feel the need to take their anger to a new level by not only using ignorant four letter words (I’m specifically referring to the “c” word which I absolutely HATE), but at their need to direct those words and thoughts towards ME. I mean really? What the hell did I do? If you know me (and again, I understand that most of you don’t) you know that I am a HUGE fan of those colorful four letter words, and you also know that I’m not afraid to use them. So sit the f**k down and listen.


But let’s back up a little bit. Let’s start with the reason that SOME of you have gotten your overworked uteri into a giant huff: Mr. Fodder’s most recent blog post, "An Open Letter to First-Time Mothers. Yes, I read it and I’ll be completely honest here without showing any bias towards my husband or his fans. (Ok, maybe a little biased towards my husband, but I don’t have to sleep with any of you, so you can’t really blame me).

I was about a paragraph and a half into reading his blog when my eyes began to roll. “Oh God Adam, here we go. This is not going to go over well at all.” I mean, with the amount of women who follow your page, you’re bound to have a few hundred at any given time who are on their period (and yes, because I’m a woman, I can say that.) and they are going to want to tear your head off. Now before you get all pissy at me for that comment, let me make sure that you understand my jovial personality… Of course I don’t think that your period turned some of you into evil bitches, but I was being generic and trying to make a point, which is EXACTLY what my husband was trying to do. (Besides, I’m sure that SOME of you are bitches on or OFF your period so your menstrual cycle pales in comparison to your MENTAL one). Adam wasn’t personally attacking ALL first time mothers. He was drawing attention to a TYPE of first time mother. A type that we ALL know exists. Hell, I have more friends who fall under this category of mother than I do who don’t! It’s a fact. It happens. And while I know that there are SOME of us who are nothing at all like this type of mother, there are also SOME of us who are and THAT’S who Adam was talking to!! And I’ll tell ya something, the truth often stings, especially when it’s not such a pretty picture. So when you hear that kind of stuff about yourself and it’s true, your first instinct is to attack.

That’s not to say that those of you who were upset didn’t have any decent valuable points, because you did. In fact, I agreed with many of the negative opinions. You have every right to give your opinion on the matter and on the blog, and there were quite a few of you who did it with respect and class. But ladies, a LOT of you went about it the wrong way. Allow me to be the first person to “warn” you about a certain personality trait that my dear husband possesses. (Under most circumstances, it’s his worst). Trying to get a “reaction” out of him using vim and vigor, will only get you the opposite reaction you want and believe me when I tell you that it will cause frustration. If you tell him to go right, he’ll go left simply BECAUSE you told him to go right. If you tell him to jump, he won’t just sit down, but he’ll dig a hole to china simply because he knows that all you want him to do is jump. Adam is the kind of person that if you tell him to shut up, he’ll keep talking. Not because he wants to fight back, but because you told him to shut up. And the sucky part is, that he’s SMART and unlike me, doesn’t need four letter words to make his point. Nine times out of 10, he thinks before he talks and he always has an angle and a reason for saying what he says. I’m sure many of you can attest to the fact that arguing with a smart person (or smart ass in many cases), is the most frustrating thing in the world.

But really, think about this logically. This is a man who has dedicated his life and his livelihood to his children and parental education and awareness. You don’t think Adam recognizes the plight of the single mom? The hardships of the woman who had her baby as a teenager and didn’t have a man there to be “a man”? The difficulties a woman who deals with “troubled” pregnancies and complications faces? The overwhelming abundance of stress placed on a first time mother who hasn’t the slightest clue how she is going to do this thing called parenting without a proper co-parent (whether absent in actuality or absent in mind) to help them cope? Really? You don’t think he gets that?!?! Why the hell do you think he does what he does? It’s BECAUSE he gets it. It’s because he knows the importance of having a strong father figure in a child’s life. It’s BECAUSE he wants to open up the closed minds- the ones that believe that a father is a sperm donor and nothing more. There are so many women out there that don’t have the luxury of having a father (and or husband) like the one I am fortunate enough to have. One who dedicates his life to his children and one who recognizes the importance of fatherhood. But just because he pushes the agenda of an involved father, doesn’t mean he doesn’t “get” the life of a family without one! Believe me, this is a guy whose OWN father is a useless excuse for a human being. Whose mother pretty much raised him and his three brothers solo. Whose only wish is to emulate the opposite example his own father set for him. Trust me moms (and Dad’s), this is a guy that you want on your side.

Now in defense of the people who took offense to my husband’s blog, I get it. I really do. To read that first-time moms are attention whores who only care about themselves is really tough to read (especially if you ARE one). To read that we are know-it-all’s who think that men are the “lesser” of the two when it comes to parenting is unfair. There are many of us who work our asses off to be good parents to our kids whether the men have failed or succeeded as a parent or not. Adam will be the first person to admit that I am NOT one of those women that he was referring to in his blog (which is why I wasn’t in the least bit offended) and it is VERY possible that you are not one of those women either. Yes, he was making a generalization and categorizing a certain “type” of first time mom that we ALL know exists. But I can understand how at first glance, it seemed as though he was attacking all first times moms. Read it again, then go back and read his other blogs, and his other Facebook posts and ANYTHING he has ever written. After doing that, you’ll know this to be true: Mr. Fodder is a smart (ass), intelligent, super involved father, whose only desire is to entertain, encourage, educate and of course stir the pot every now and then (which we can all agree he does very well).
 
So while I appreciate your condolences, please, don’t feel bad for me for having to be married to such a horrible man. Or better yet, if you’re going to feel bad for me, let it be for the fact that he snores like a chainsaw, has over 50 plaid button-up shirts and leaves his toe-nail clippings on the side table. Because under any other circumstance, I am one lucky Mother-fodder!

Oh, and one more thing; to Lydia, the woman who called me a C**T. Seriously, what is the matter with you? I wasn’t the one who pissed you off in that post. You’re welcome to call my husband a d**k, but you don’t even know anything about me and my views! I mean, it would be like me calling you a vile, ignorant, worthless excuse for a human being – and I would never do that. ;-)  

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Wednesday
May222013

Happy Boring Ass Birthday To You

If opposites attract, then my husband and I are like magnets when it comes to certain things. Parenting style aside, the truth is, we’re quite different and that certainly comes into play when birthdays come along. For me, I like grand heartfelt gestures. I like beautifully written cards and I like gifts that are laden with endless amounts of thought and delight. I like diamonds (I don’t ever get them, but I like them!). I like presents that are wrapped nicely with a beautiful bow and pretty pink ribbons. I like surprises. You get the picture. My husband, he likes “practical” gifts. He likes things that he needs that he could (and by could I mean ‘should’) buy on his own.

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Friday
May102013

Do Mom's Deserve Dad's Recognition on Mother's Day?- A Special 'Ask the Wife' Post

O.k. Mother’s Day… It’s definitely been a bit of a sore subject in my house since I became a mother, three years ago. So allow me to take you through my thought process and feelings on the subject matter. In order to do that, I need to take you back 3 years- the year that I was to celebrate my very first Mother’s Day. I was excited. I mean, I was a mother for the first time, and I was now a part of the “club”- you know, the “Mother’s Day Club.” My husband knew that it was important to me, but he also knew (and he’ll be the first to admit it) that I don’t believe in spending stupid amounts of money on a gift (cause let’s be real that money is coming out of the same bank account that I use too!). For me, it has really always been “the thought that counts.” Adam (Mr. Fodder) knows that, for me, it’s all about the card. What someone writes in a card is far more important than what is inside the box. (But something nice in the box is good too).

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Tuesday
May072013

Happy Wife, Happy Life - Moms Deserve Free Time For Themselves Too!

FAN QUESTION:

We have an almost 2 year old daughter and since her birth I have never really gotten any time for myself (I know parenting is a full time job) now my fiancé works and I stay home so when he decided to join some friends to be in a band I was ok with it since he works a lot and is the money maker in the family. He is gone two times a week and it’s usually very late. When I say that I'd like to go to the movies with a friend or just want to visit my parents (without the little one) it seems like I'm asking a lot. I feel like it always turns into a huge argument and then of course I never get time to out alone. How do I approach the situation? I don't think grocery shopping every two weeks should constitute as "time for myself"

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