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Mothers and Daughters, Oh My!

So this morning my daughter asked her father is she could have a sleepover at her “boyfriend” Wyatt’s house and it was at that moment when I went on line looking for the latest line of chastity belts! ;-) Now while I completely understand that my daughter sleeping at a boy’s house at this age would be completely innocent, and to be honest, I wouldn’t really have a problem with it, it got me thinking. Eventually my daughter is going to become a “real girl” and I have no idea how I’m going to handle it.

I think back to when I was a young girl and the memories are vivid! I can recall asking my mom if she could buy me some razors so I could shave under my arm pits. I was 11. She was reluctant because she didn’t think I needed to yet, but she also understood that I was getting to a point where things like that were starting to matter. So she ultimately said yes, but made me promise that I would only use it for my arm pits and NOT my legs. I will never forget her telling me that if I start shaving my legs now, that it would grow back even thicker and then I would be worse off than I started. I agreed to her terms and got my razors. That summer I went away to camp and after about 30 seconds of thought, I decided to screw what my mother said and shave my legs. I mean, everyone else was doing it so I wanted to do it too! She was right when she warned me about the fact that it would make it worse, but I didn’t listen.

Or the time many years later that I asked my mom if I could go on the birth control pill. I’m being completely honest when I say that there was NO reason for me to need to be on the pill, but I had friends that were on it and I wanted to be on it too. Again, she was reluctant (extremely reluctant I might add), but after telling her that I heard that it really helped with cramps during “that time of the month” she agreed. She warned me that there was a chance that I would gain weight and cause problems for my skin, but I didn’t care (or maybe didn’t believe her) so I went on the pill, gained 20 pounds and suddenly had a case of horrible acne. She was right when she warned me about the fact that it would make things worse, but I didn’t listen.

Those are just two small coming of age examples that I remember having to deal with growing up and of course I know that my daughter is eventually going to go through them too. How am I going to handle it? The truth? I don’t know! I would like to think that my daughter and I will have one of those relationships like the moms and daughters on the DOVE and TAMPAX commercials do, but come on, that’s not real life. For me, as my daughter grows up, there is this real fear that I have that she’ll be afraid to come to me and ask questions, and be honest, and share her secrets with me. But then if I go to the other extreme, will she be TOO open with me and do things that will make me nuts?!?! Man, this parenting thing is really bloody hard and I’m not even there yet!!! But if you ask my husband he’ll tell you, I am that person that worries about the inevitable, the uncontrollable and the foreseeable. I am always thinking 15 steps ahead of 15 steps ahead. So when I started thinking about what I’m going to do as my sweet little girl turns into a sweet little woman, my smart (ass) husband reminded me that right now, she’s three and all she wants to do is sleep over at her friend’s house. A friend that she calls her boyfriend simply because he’s a boy! It is the most innocent thing in the world and whether or not she ends up having a sleepover at Wyatt’s house, we’re not yet at the place where we need to be talking about razors, tampons and birth control. She has time and thank GOD so do I!

What’s my point? Well, I think what a lot of “neurotic parents" (kind of like me) have to realize is that as our kids mature, SO WILL WE. Just like she doesn’t have all the answers right now, neither do I. As she grows, so will I and the only thing that we can do is hope that when the time comes, we’ll have the “right” answers for them. (Like there is such a thing). We hope that we can guide them in the right direction to be independent, well adjusted, happy productive people. But we also should worry if it doesn’t go that way either. You know, there’s always the chance that you’re really gonna screw things up. You’ll make bad choices and give bad advice. You yell too loud and punish too hard. And when that time comes, it’s “no big deal” (as my husband says) – Cause that’s what therapy’s for! ;-)

Reader Comments (1)

Good to hear I'm not the only one worrying about what's gonna happen 10years from now :D

June 30, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterjhanis

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