CONTACT ASK THE WIFE

Have a question, a query or a comment? Send Mrs. Fodder an email to: askmrsfodder@gmail.com Posters whose questions have been selected for print may or may not be contacted. All correspondence will be held in the stricted of confidence. New posts every Monday and Thursday.

SEARCH THIS SITE
TRANSLATOR
CONNECT WITH US

 

LIVE TWITTER FEED

F4F MEMBERS ONLY
« Do Mom's Deserve Dad's Recognition on Mother's Day?- A Special 'Ask the Wife' Post | Main | RAISING A PRINCESS - IS IT REALLY SO WRONG? »
Tuesday
May072013

Happy Wife, Happy Life - Moms Deserve Free Time For Themselves Too!

FAN QUESTION:

 We have an almost 2 year old daughter and since her birth I have never really gotten any time for myself (I know parenting is a full time job) now my fiancé works and I stay home so when he decided to join some friends to be in a band I was ok with it since he works a lot and is the money maker in the family. He is gone two times a week and it’s usually very late. When I say that I'd like to go to the movies with a friend or just want to visit my parents (without the little one) it seems like I'm asking a lot. I feel like it always turns into a huge argument and then of course I never get time to out alone. How do I approach the situation? I don't think grocery shopping every two weeks should constitute as "time for myself"


*************************************************************************************

ASK THE WIFE RESPONSE:

Yes, parenting is definitely a full-time job, but in no way does that mean you shouldn’t get time for yourself!! Every single Saturday I leave the house for an hour and a half to get my nails done. It’s not about my nails (even though they look quite lovely), it’s about me being on my own, away from everything. My husband holds down the fort and then when I get home we do something together as a family. I think the key to it is that it’s a planned thing. I do it once a week, EVERY week.

 When you’re husband is out with the band, that’s his time. It’s planned and he deserves it. But YOU DESERVE TIME TO YOURSELF TOO! This is one of those situations that can be really hard to approach. You don’t want to start a fight because that only causes more stress… and take it from me, fighting causes more stress and more stress causing fighting… so it’s a vicious circle that will only get worse if BOTH of you don’t have an outlet for that stress. Ask him why he gets that time with his friends. He’ll tell you it’s because he needs his stress relief and time for himself. Then ask him what kind of stress relieve you get? The answer will inevitably be… NONE. So instead of banging your heads together, try approaching it in a way that will best serve your family. Tell him that getting a chance to do something for yourself will only make you a better and happier person when you’re at home. It’s obvious to any parent that having kids can cause stress and- as much as we love the little buggers- we can’t spend every waking minute with them or we will go CRAZY!!! (This is one of the reasons that I went back to work so early).

If your fiancé is the type of person who requires “advanced notice”, then that’s ok. If you want to go and see a movie with friends or go to your parents, or whatever, just give him some advanced “warning”. While I don’t think it’s imperative, everyone works differently and maybe if you spring it on him at the end of a long day, or when he was expecting you to be at home with him, you may not get the result that you want. It’s all about patterns and habits: if you change the pattern, you can break the habit. Carve out time for yourself- time that is pre-planned. This way, he’ll become used to the idea of being alone with your kid, and, in time, he may come to appreciate it. He may even start a parenting blog about what it means to be an incredible father…He may end up with almost 15 thousand fans on Facebook… He may end up being the best father ever! (At least that’s how it worked for me  **wink, wink**). 


Share this:

Reader Comments

There are no comments for this journal entry. To create a new comment, use the form below.

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.

My response is on my own website »
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Post:
 
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>