Someone asked me a little while ago, whether or not I was planning on writing another blog for Fodder 4 Fathers. Now while I really love writing stuff for Adam’s page and I would be happy to do it any and every day of the week, I find that my husband usually says most of it well enough. Some of you may remember my last blog (insert link here) responding to a whole bunch of women who weren’t too happy with him over something that he said (in my house we call that Tuesday). But because I completely disagreed with them and because they brought me into it, I felt the need to come to his defence. Not that he ever needs my help; he does a pretty decent job of defending himself on his own. So what I said was as soon as someone or something “ticked me off” again, I’d sit back down and bang out another blog. I do my best writing when I’m peeved and, as Mr. Fodder will attest to; this girl knows how to fight like a mo-fo!
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O.k. people, we need to talk! Now, if you know me (and I understand that most of you don’t), you know that it is VERY rare that I ever feel the need to come to my husband's defense. Whenever I see the battles that take place on his page, and I read the rather colorful comments from some really “passionate” readers, I often laugh cause as everyone knows, and as I say to him myself, If you’re going to make your controversial bed, then you’re going to have to lay in it with a bunch of angry women. So I don’t often feel bad for him when he gets attacked. Besides, you ladies have NOTHING on me and my wrath when I get pissed off, and at the moment, I’m pretty pissed off. Not at my husband however, but at some (and before you take this as an attack on everyone, please note that I said SOME) people who feel the need to take their anger to a new level by not only using ignorant four letter words (I’m specifically referring to the “c” word which I absolutely HATE), but at their need to direct those words and thoughts towards ME. I mean really? What the hell did I do? If you know me (and again, I understand that most of you don’t) you know that I am a HUGE fan of those colorful four letter words, and you also know that I’m not afraid to use them. So sit the f**k down and listen.
But let’s back up a little bit. Let’s start with the reason that SOME of you have gotten your overworked uteri into a giant huff: Mr. Fodder’s most recent blog post, "An Open Letter to First-Time Mothers. Yes, I read it and I’ll be completely honest here without showing any bias towards my husband or his fans. (Ok, maybe a little biased towards my husband, but I don’t have to sleep with any of you, so you can’t really blame me).
I was about a paragraph and a half into reading his blog when my eyes began to roll. “Oh God Adam, here we go. This is not going to go over well at all.” I mean, with the amount of women who follow your page, you’re bound to have a few hundred at any given time who are on their period (and yes, because I’m a woman, I can say that.) and they are going to want to tear your head off. Now before you get all pissy at me for that comment, let me make sure that you understand my jovial personality… Of course I don’t think that your period turned some of you into evil bitches, but I was being generic and trying to make a point, which is EXACTLY what my husband was trying to do. (Besides, I’m sure that SOME of you are bitches on or OFF your period so your menstrual cycle pales in comparison to your MENTAL one). Adam wasn’t personally attacking ALL first time mothers. He was drawing attention to a TYPE of first time mother. A type that we ALL know exists. Hell, I have more friends who fall under this category of mother than I do who don’t! It’s a fact. It happens. And while I know that there are SOME of us who are nothing at all like this type of mother, there are also SOME of us who are and THAT’S who Adam was talking to!! And I’ll tell ya something, the truth often stings, especially when it’s not such a pretty picture. So when you hear that kind of stuff about yourself and it’s true, your first instinct is to attack.
That’s not to say that those of you who were upset didn’t have any decent valuable points, because you did. In fact, I agreed with many of the negative opinions. You have every right to give your opinion on the matter and on the blog, and there were quite a few of you who did it with respect and class. But ladies, a LOT of you went about it the wrong way. Allow me to be the first person to “warn” you about a certain personality trait that my dear husband possesses. (Under most circumstances, it’s his worst). Trying to get a “reaction” out of him using vim and vigor, will only get you the opposite reaction you want and believe me when I tell you that it will cause frustration. If you tell him to go right, he’ll go left simply BECAUSE you told him to go right. If you tell him to jump, he won’t just sit down, but he’ll dig a hole to china simply because he knows that all you want him to do is jump. Adam is the kind of person that if you tell him to shut up, he’ll keep talking. Not because he wants to fight back, but because you told him to shut up. And the sucky part is, that he’s SMART and unlike me, doesn’t need four letter words to make his point. Nine times out of 10, he thinks before he talks and he always has an angle and a reason for saying what he says. I’m sure many of you can attest to the fact that arguing with a smart person (or smart ass in many cases), is the most frustrating thing in the world.
But really, think about this logically. This is a man who has dedicated his life and his livelihood to his children and parental education and awareness. You don’t think Adam recognizes the plight of the single mom? The hardships of the woman who had her baby as a teenager and didn’t have a man there to be “a man”? The difficulties a woman who deals with “troubled” pregnancies and complications faces? The overwhelming abundance of stress placed on a first time mother who hasn’t the slightest clue how she is going to do this thing called parenting without a proper co-parent (whether absent in actuality or absent in mind) to help them cope? Really? You don’t think he gets that?!?! Why the hell do you think he does what he does? It’s BECAUSE he gets it. It’s because he knows the importance of having a strong father figure in a child’s life. It’s BECAUSE he wants to open up the closed minds- the ones that believe that a father is a sperm donor and nothing more. There are so many women out there that don’t have the luxury of having a father (and or husband) like the one I am fortunate enough to have. One who dedicates his life to his children and one who recognizes the importance of fatherhood. But just because he pushes the agenda of an involved father, doesn’t mean he doesn’t “get” the life of a family without one! Believe me, this is a guy whose OWN father is a useless excuse for a human being. Whose mother pretty much raised him and his three brothers solo. Whose only wish is to emulate the opposite example his own father set for him. Trust me moms (and Dad’s), this is a guy that you want on your side.
Now in defense of the people who took offense to my husband’s blog, I get it. I really do. To read that first-time moms are attention whores who only care about themselves is really tough to read (especially if you ARE one). To read that we are know-it-all’s who think that men are the “lesser” of the two when it comes to parenting is unfair. There are many of us who work our asses off to be good parents to our kids whether the men have failed or succeeded as a parent or not. Adam will be the first person to admit that I am NOT one of those women that he was referring to in his blog (which is why I wasn’t in the least bit offended) and it is VERY possible that you are not one of those women either. Yes, he was making a generalization and categorizing a certain “type” of first time mom that we ALL know exists. But I can understand how at first glance, it seemed as though he was attacking all first times moms. Read it again, then go back and read his other blogs, and his other Facebook posts and ANYTHING he has ever written. After doing that, you’ll know this to be true: Mr. Fodder is a smart (ass), intelligent, super involved father, whose only desire is to entertain, encourage, educate and of course stir the pot every now and then (which we can all agree he does very well).
So while I appreciate your condolences, please, don’t feel bad for me for having to be married to such a horrible man. Or better yet, if you’re going to feel bad for me, let it be for the fact that he snores like a chainsaw, has over 50 plaid button-up shirts and leaves his toe-nail clippings on the side table. Because under any other circumstance, I am one lucky Mother-fodder!
Oh, and one more thing; to Lydia, the woman who called me a C**T. Seriously, what is the matter with you? I wasn’t the one who pissed you off in that post. You’re welcome to call my husband a d**k, but you don’t even know anything about me and my views! I mean, it would be like me calling you a vile, ignorant, worthless excuse for a human being – and I would never do that. ;-)
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So I’ve received a ton of e-mails from people who were curious about how I potty trained my daughter, so I’m more than happy to share the “technique” we used in our house. But I just want to preface the whole thing by saying that while I had heard that the way we did it was “the best” way, I really don’t think that there IS a “best way” and I am also convinced that every kid is different, so what works for one, will not always work for another. But here it is:
We decided to potty train our daughter after she turned two. My potty training process took 3 full days with a minimal amount of preparation, and a maximum amount of patience. So first, you need to dedicate three days straight that you are going to be at home. No trips in the car, no need to leave the house what-so-ever. So I chose three days in the spring that I would be on vacation and I knew that I would have DD at home. The night we were about to “begin” the process, I made sure that I got her all excited about the fact that we were going to be wearing underwear from now on. I even bought her Disney Princess underwear, because in case you’re not aware, my daughter is a Disney princess maniac and I knew that would REALLY get her pumped. So I kissed her goodnight and told her that I was so excited for big girl underwear day tomorrow (even though I was totally dreading it).
Dear Mrs. Fodder: Should moms worry about their sons the same way that dads worry about their daughters? My sons are little flirts, and every time I pick up my eldest up from school all these girls wave goodbye to him and I have to stop myself from giving them the stink eye. Do moms need shotguns too?
So for the past little while I have REALLY wanted to chop off all my hair. I have really long hair and, for as long as I can remember, my hair has always been that way. In fact, I am one of those people who cuts their hair MAYBE once a year – if that! But once upon a time I had all the time in the world to “do” my hair. It wasn’t a big deal to take an hour or so prepping and primping, curling and straitening, gelling and spraying in order to make my super long locks look perfect. But these days, with two jobs, two kids, and two dogs, spending two hours a day on my hair seems like a lifetime ago. I mean seriously, what parent has time for that these days?!? These days, I’m lucky if I don’t forget to brush my teeth in the morning! (O.k. that’s a lie, I brush my teeth every day. My father is a dentist. It was majorly ingrained into my head at a young age. I was just trying to paint a picture).